Politics, Technology, and Language

If thought corrupts language, language can also corrupt thought — George Orwell

Anna Nicole Smith, by the numbers

Posted by metaphorical on 12 February 2007

WHAT
THEY
FOUND
IN ANNA
NICOLE
SMITH’S
FRIDGE

was one of the headlines on the front page of the Daily News this morning. Even at 5:00 pm, it was still the #3 story on the paper’s website.

It’s impossible to comment on this, and almost impossible not to. Even when descrying the paparazzi, one is supporting it in some twisted, enabling way. (I guess this is a corollary of the “no news is bad news” rule and its obverse, “any news, however bad, is good news.”)

The Anna Nicole Smith story isn’t just a car wreck, it’s one of those I-80 150-car pile-ups in the middle of Iowa in the middle of winter where 2 tractor-trailers collide, suddenly blocking all 3 westbound lanes. Dozens of dozens of cars behind them start skidding and can’t stop.

In this case it’s 10 different kinds of pills, a 5-month-old baby who may or may not have come to full 9-month term, 2 breast surgeries since the child’s birth to maintain the 39-year-old’s 42-26-38 figure, and at least 3 different men contesting both paternity and 1 sprawling waterfront estate, if I understand the story correctly. Just wow. Jacqueline Suzanne, the inevitable conclusion of your life’s work is calling you.

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3 Responses to “Anna Nicole Smith, by the numbers”

  1. alice said

    I’m honestly not sure whether this is a plot line for Jacqueline Suzanne or for Carl Hiaassen.

  2. I had to look Hiaasen up, and I’m still not sure about it; there’s a columnist and a novelist, and they seem to be the sam person….

  3. Misha said

    They are, at that. Hiassen’s the wrong call, though: he’s an absurdist as a novelist, sure, but he’s much more interested in mocking the absurdities of the politically powerful and the everyday person than he is in considering the merely famous.

    Steven, you need to read Double Whammy, the greatest novel ever written about competitive bass fishing.

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